The Invisible Work of Living with Headaches

Dec 17

Living with headaches or migraines isn’t just about the pain.

It’s about everything you have to think about before the pain ever starts.

Most people see a migraine as a bad day or a canceled plan. What they don’t see is the constant, quiet planning that happens behind the scenes, every single day.

Planning Life Around Pain

If you live with headaches (migraines in particular), your brain is always running a background checklist:

Did I bring my medication?
Do I have a backup dose?
What time did I last take it?
How far am I from a dark, quiet place if this hits?

You don’t just leave the house, you prepare to leave the house.

Sleep (But Not Too Much)

Sleep matters. Everyone knows that. But with migraines, it’s a tightrope.

Too little sleep? Migraine.
Too much sleep? Also migraine.

So you aim for “just right,” knowing that even when you do everything correctly, your brain might still rebel.

Stress, But Not That Much Stress

Stress is a trigger, but so is the stress of trying not to be stressed.

You manage emotions carefully:

Avoiding overload
Protecting your nervous system
Saying no when you want to say yes

And then feeling guilty for saying no.

Movement: Helpful… Until It Isn’t

Exercise can help migraines, until it triggers one.

So you walk, stretch, do gentle movement.
You avoid pushing too hard.
You listen to your body constantly.

It’s exhausting to always be “listening.”

Water, Food, and Timing Everything

You track hydration like it’s your job.
You don’t skip meals.
You eat on a schedule.
You watch caffeine, sugar, and alcohol.

You do all the “right things,” knowing one small misstep can derail your entire day.

The Guilt No One Talks About

One of the hardest parts of living with headaches isn’t the pain, it’s the guilt.

Canceling plans
Leaving events early
Needing quiet
Asking for accommodations

You worry you’re:

Complaining too much
Letting people down
Ruining birthdays, trips, and special moments

So sometimes you push through, at a cost only you pay.

The Emotional Weight

Migraines are isolating. They make people feel unreliable, fragile, or broken, even though none of that is true.

Living with chronic head pain means constantly balancing:

Hope vs. fear
Independence vs. limitation
Wanting to live fully while protecting yourself

That balance is work.

A Bestie Reminder 💛

If this feels familiar, I want you to hear this clearly:

You are not dramatic.
You are not weak.
You are not a burden.

You are managing a neurologic condition the best you can, often without anyone seeing the effort it takes.

At Headache Bestie, you don’t have to explain yourself. This is a space for honesty, support, and understanding—on the good days and the hard ones.

You’re not alone in this. And you never have to carry it quietly here.

What You Can Do Next 💛

If this post made you feel seen, here are a few ways you don’t have to carry this alone:

If you live in Virginia:
You can receive headache and migraine care through Align Neurology, either in person or via telehealth, including access to our headache urgent care when you need relief quickly.
If you’re outside Virginia:
Headache Bestie is here to educate, support, and help you advocate for yourself, so you can get better care wherever you live.
If you’re already a Headache Bestie:
Remember you can reach out when you’re unsure, struggling, or just need reassurance. You don’t have to wait until things feel unmanageable.

Whether you’re looking for answers, a plan, or simply someone who understands—this space was created for you.

You don’t have to figure this out by yourself. 💛